Back in ’76, at the Frankfurt Motor Show, Ted Mountainé discovered the Mercedes-Benz 123 series for the first time, which marked the beginning of a long-lasting love affair.
Unlike his band leader peers, who often went for flashy luxury cars, Mountainé appreciated the solid and unassuming aura of a car that looked more like a car than any other car he had ever seen, the new Mercedes 200.
And in many ways this mobile entity, practically lifted directly from Plato’s aspatial, atemporal Forms into the physical world by pure German industrial strength, became a symbol of the no-nonsense, utilitarian easy listening landscape that shaped a certain part (elevators, mostly) of the following decades with Ted Mountainé behind the steering wheel.
Unfortunately, due to the temporal whims of the space-time continuum, most people reading these words will not be aware of Mountainé’s moderate reputation in some of our parallel worlds.
But we are lucky enough to be able to present a few of his sound recordings here, to showcase the subliminal audial presence he commanded in some other – choice, naturally – worlds. Here is Robots in Suits, a musical taster from another 1983.
Ted Mountainé is, as we know, currently occupied with his career as a spokesperson for the International Association of Introverted Jet-Setters Living in the Past (IAoIJSLitP). The micro-organizational aspect of this engagement is profound in its minimality, simply due to the mere nature of all the (incredibly annoying) people occupied with these matters over the years.
It has tested the patience of many a regular jet-setter who has accidentally wound up on our particular yacht, as it were. We won’t easily forget the year when Leonard Bernstein unwittingly found himself as the Jet Set Miniature Assembly Ceremony Master, haha.
Regardless, a couple of years ago, Ted took some time off to create this exciting montage consisting of scenery from his beautiful life and music. He didn’t really know where to stop, though (a common affliction for time travelers), so the video and the tune goes on for far too long – which we suppose only proves what we suspected long ago: You can get too much of a good thing.
But Ted stands rigorously by his work: “If every man and woman stepped out of their sepia-toned lives and took a break from their generally depressing world views, and picked up some cues from the happy disposition of cardboard people in escapist entertainment and advertising instead, I honestly think the earth would be a better place for everyone,” he claims.
So, until we meet again, please enjoy this little bundle of overbaked joy from the Ted Mountainé Orchestra, for as long as you can take it.
Knob manufacturers Arton and Leonard Brother have negotiated a deal with Simon Cowell for a new television show.
American Preservationist will debut on ABC on March 16, 2012 and it will be hosted by Stephen Hawking. Executive producers are Brother’s sister Susie Brother Love, former CEO of Hallmark’s NASA division, and folk singer Gordon Lightfoot. Lightfoot will arrange the title tune, a “sunny keyboard version” of Natalie Cole’s “Miss You Like Crazy.”
Simon Cowell describes the show as “an Idol show for anyone, or anything, on the verge of extinction.” The difference between the new show and Cowell’s previous endeavors, he says, is that this time he’s turning the spotlight on things actually worth saving. Cowell claims that he’s “dead tired” of disposable teen idols, and painfully regrets signing new three-year deals with ITV for Britain’s Got Talent and The X Factor. He says that the prospect of having to endure “these ridiculous fatheads” well into his sixties scares him shitless.
The Brothers are excited about the opportunity to get a break from the knob business. “You know, it’s a broad concept. We can move from Tony Orlando to Mike Love, and then to a moth-ridden desk, in an instant. Hopefully we’ll squeeze some knobs in there as well, but that’s not important, really. It’s an opportunity for us to do something completely different — and it’s nice not to worry about profits for a change, because honestly, no one expects the concept to catch on with sponsors. We’re doing it because it’s not knobs.”
Stephen Hawking doesn’t want to comment on his role. When we asked him about the show at a local protest targeting plans to enlarge a hotel complex on the River Cam recently, he simply shrugged his shoulder. Metaphorically speaking. that is.